Day 21: Numb

Happy Thursday, and Day 21 of Another 100 Days of Hannah, y’all!
Bleh.
I’m tired today.
So, I guess, instead of a lengthy intro, we’ll just jump in.
Huzzah.

How many of you feel numb?

A few years ago, I was in a bike accident.  I was coming home from clinic one warm afternoon (in flip flops), like I did literally every other day of the week, when something went…wrong.
I’m still not entirely sure how it happened, but somehow my flip-flop slipped into the chain and got stuck, taking my foot spinning around with the chain as I went down.
Thankfully, there were no cars behind me on the normally busy street as I pulled myself up and off of the road, but within seconds of standing up, I knew something was wrong.
Part of my leg and foot were in extreme pain.
The other part, I couldn’t feel.
I looked down to assess the damage.
The top of my foot, especially around the toes, was already beginning to swell.
And across the ball of my foot ran a 3-4 inch gash (that was thankfully not insanely deep).
No, I didn’t bike home.
After a trip to RediMed the next morning (I was stubborn that and kept thinking it would be fine) to ensure that there were no broken bones, I was put in a small boot, provided bandages, an oral antibiotic, and some ointment to prevent infection and help with the healing process, and sent on my way.
Over time, the gash healed.
The swelling went down.
The pain decreased.
But the numbness?
 
It stayed.
One month.
Two months..
Three months…
Four months….
Six months later was the first time that I could begin to feel my toes again.
 
Even though, ‘nothing’ was wrong.
 
 
I’ve mentioned before that I tend to go numb as a person.
I fall asleep to reality, to pain.
I distract myself from discomfort.
I avoid situations and scenarios that scare me.
I go numb.
Sometimes the numbness looks like taking a nap.
Other days it’s binge watching a TV show.
Sometimes it’s picking at my skin.
Other days it’s getting lost in my thoughts – letting them repeat over and over again.
Sometimes it’s working out.
Other days it’s keeping myself so busy with meaningless tasks that I have no time to process the life in front of me.
Sometimes it’s procrastination.
Other days it’s listening to music, just to tune out the rest of the world.
 
Can any of you relate?
 
As normal as most of these behaviors sound, y’all, numbness is not what we’re called to.
Numbness is never normal.
 
No, just as in the case of my foot, numbness is a response to an internal problem that cannot be deemed healthy, just because the outer appearance looks fine. 
 
Admittedly, numbness feels great in the moment.
To have the pain removed and to feel nothing often seems like an incredible blessing.
In fact, for most of my life, that’s been my aim – to feel nothing.
To be unbothered by situations and problems.
 
But, behind the deceptive allure of numbness lies its greatest flaw:
Numbness is one of the greatest barriers to healing.
For when we are numb, there is no gauge, no barometer, no warning.
We push on endlessly, come what may, for ‘nothing is wrong.’
While inwardly, our minds and our bodies are fighting a losing battle to simply keep going on.
 
Y’all, we are not called to numbness.
We are called to health.
We are called to wholeness.
We are called to life.
 
And these we find in Christ alone.
 
To end today, my mind runs to the words of the song “In Christ Alone.”
 
In Christ alone my hope is found.
He is my life, my strength, my song.
 
This cornerstone, this solid ground – firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
 
What heights of love, what depths of peace?
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease.
 
My comforter, my all in all…
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
 
No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me
 
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny
 
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand
 
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.

  

 
‘Til tomorrow,
 
Hannah
 
 
Want to read more?  Here’s a link to my Day 21 post from 100 Days of Hannah.  Click the link to check it out!
 
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