Day 27: Feelings

Happy Wednesday and Day 27 of Another 100 Days of Hannah, y’all!
Considering how late I finished blogging last night compared to how early I’m blogging today, I’m guessing y’all will just receive this as one message.
C’est la vie.
 
Now…what to talk about today?
 
Have y’all ever processed where you feel different emotions at?
 
I’m admittedly bad at identifying emotions and really processing them and understanding what I’m feeling and why I’m feeling it. Things to work on I suppose.
 
This morning, however, as I was working through a prompt given to me yesterday to encourage leaning into emotions, I realized that I definitely have different physical manifestations of emotions.
 
For instance, when I’m anxious, I feel tension in my back, feeling sort of like someone’s watching me.
When I’m stubborn, I feel tension in my lower back.
When I’m happy, I feel a warmth in my chest.
When I’m tired, I feel just a… pulling? in my entire spine – like I’m being drawn towards the ground.

I don’t really know that there’s any significance to these feelings, but I’m intrigued by their presence.

In any case, as I’ve mentioned before, I’ve always struggled with emotions. 
I’ve never really known what to do with them or how to process them, so I just stuff them inside and feel (or sometimes pretend to feel) nothing instead, thinking emotions to be the enemy.
 
This morning’s Peacemaker devotional, however, reminded me that emotions themselves aren’t the enemy.
Rather, feelings and emotions are a gift from God that can be used as a barometer of sorts – to get more of an idea of what the internal world is experiencing.
 
The tricky part?
Realizing that while feelings and emotions have their place, they still are prone to lie – a lot.
 
For instance:
I feel sick – like I’m going to gag or vomit – frequently.
However, that feeling doesn’t make it true.
In fact, most of the time it’s not true – it’s just a feeling.
 
Likewise, I feel, almost daily, like I’m going to pass out.
My legs feel weak. My head feels like it’s spinning.  Sometimes my vision even begins to go dark.
Yet I stay upright.
 
As a nine, I often feel like I am unimportant and make no difference.
However, scripture teaches that God created me with a plan and purpose in mind.
Similarly, I often feel like I am a failure.
But, scripture teaches that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Admittedly, it is these contrasts that make it seem reasonable to give up on feelings altogether.

But to erase this contrast, this contradiction, this conflict, does not bring peace.
 
No, peace (I think) is found in accepting the feelings and emotions – not pushing them away, not pulling them in close – and then laying them down at the feet of the Savior King – the one who is the way, the truth, and the life.
 
‘Til tomorrow,
 
Hannah
 
 
Want to read more?  Here’s a link to my Day 27 post from 100 Days of Hannah.  Click the link to check it out!
 
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