Day 39: What If?

Happy Monday and Day 39 of Another 100 Days of Hannah, y’all!
First things first: we’re almost 2/5 of the way through this 100 days – so crazy!
This morning, as I was distractedly getting around for the day, my attention was grabbed by articles on my high school’s website detailing all of the programs that they’ve included into the curriculum to help students.
Admittedly, my first reaction was one of jealousy and frustration.
Why weren’t there any awesome programs when I went through?
I mean, we didn’t even have AP classes.  The ‘honors’ classes were the most advanced classes offered, and even then, they really didn’t feel all that impressive.
How is it fair that now all of these STEAM opportunities are being included – all the way down to elementary school?!
How is it fair that they’re able to learn coding in high school?!
How is it fair that they’re introducing career days in middle school?!
How is it fair that elementary students are learning how to wire circuits?!
But more than any of these, my greatest question was: what if I had had these opportunities?  How much more could I have learned? How much more could I have achieved? How much…better could I have been?
If I’m honest, my mind got stuck in this pity party mode for a bit.
Anyone else been there?
After several minutes of moping though, I took a mental step back.
What difference would it have made?
I mean really – in the long run.
Would having more opportunities have really changed my whole life?
Probably not.
And even more importantly, would getting upset about it make any difference in my life today?
Definitely not.
*Deep sigh*
Admittedly, these thoughts aren’t all that uncommon for me. 
It’s easy to compare.
It’s easy to think, ‘what if?’
It’s easy to want to be… more.
Because, at the end of the day, so often I simply long to be someone important.
To make a difference.
To be worthwhile.
And so often, it feels like I’m the complete opposite.
That I’m not important.
That I don’t make a difference.
That I’m not worthwhile.
When I get in this rut though, I’m reminded of the Savior’s love for me.
That He willingly gave His life on the cross – for me.
That He has numbered all the (unruly) hairs on my head.
That He, the creator of the universe, truly cares about me.
That He knows me by name, and calls me His dearly beloved child.
That He has good plans for me.
That He loves me.
And I am simply undone.
Blown away by the reckless, unsearchable, unfathomable, undeserved, love of the Father for this messy, backwards, small-town girl.
And for you.
Whoever you are.
Wherever you are.
Today and everyday.
Catch y’all tomorrow,
Want to read more?  Here’s a link to my Day 39 post from 100 Days of Hannah.  Click the link to check it out!
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