Day 57: Order, Disorder, Reorder

Happy Friday, y’all!
 
We (finally) made it.
 
Anyone else super excited for the weekend?

Admittedly, after another week of fighting my body at what, at times, feels like every turn, I’m pumped for the next two days off of work – just to be able to have the freedom to control the temperature in my environment, rest when my body says I need to, and wear braces without being afraid of them causing me to overheat.

 
Whoop!
 
Now onto blogging…
 
This morning, I think I’ll stick with the music theme. (Totally almost typed mucus there… oops!  Not the theme I was going for brain!
Today’s song of the day is Order, Disorder, Reorder by Jason Gray.
I stumbled across this one yesterday on my way home from work, after reading a message from my counselor describing the pendulum of life (especially life with a chronic health disorder), in which we swing back and forth between anxiety and depression as conditions change, with the time in between being the process of finding a new normal.
A new normal.
That’s what I’m looking for right now.
Actually, I’d be pretty okay with going back to my old normal (less nausea, less spinning, fewer subluxations/dislocations). Can that be arranged?
Or, we can even keep the subluxations and dislocations – just less nausea and dizziness would be great!
 
Okay, and maybe less heat intolerance.
 
You get the picture though.
 
And that is where I found myself as I heard the first lyrics of the chorus: 
 

    Order, disorder, reorder, over and over and over


Yes.
Isn’t this the life that we live?
A constant motion of finding order, that order falling apart, and then having to reorder life again as we establish our new normal?
 
I, admittedly, can get super frustrated with this process.
I mean, why can’t we just skip the disorder/reorder part and find order?
Something… stable?

But then the lyrics continue:
 
    It wouldn’t be the way I choose, but this is how You make me new.
 
This is how You make me new.
 
Y’all, I know it’s been a pretty consistent theme here recently – probably because it’s what I’ve been struggling with the most right now – but, once again, this song reminds me that I, that we, can trust our Father – regardless of the circumstances of the moment.
 
That He is good.
That He has good plans for us – plans for welfare, not calamity; to give us a future and a hope.
That He works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
 
Even when it’s hard to see Him and His moving in the midst of the storms of our life.
 
 
As I reached the bridge, I found my heart mirroring the artist’s:
 

I don’t really wanna change, if I’m telling You the truth.


But like it or not, Your love won’t stop ’til it makes me new


So, give me all that You got from the bottom to top, ’til I look like You.


 
‘Til I look like you.

 
This.
Y’all, isn’t this what we’re running towards?
A heart and a life that mirror our Father’s?
 
And so, in the midst of the trials of life, we are freed to sing:
 

So here I am, I’m all in, though it feels like falling.


If that’s what it takes for You to break through, give me the faith when I’m afraid to say:
 


Here I go, I’m ready – I know You won’t forget me!


You’ll give me the grace to find a way through…


Order, disorder, reorder, over and over and over.


 

‘Til tomorrow,

Hannah

 
Want to read more?  Here’s a link to my Day 57 post from 100 Days of Hannah.  Click the link to check it out!
 
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