Day 71: Responsibility

Happy Friday and Day 71 of Another 100 Days of Hannah, y’all!
Guys.
We. Made. It.
Anyone else’s week been a little bit stressful?
‘Hannah,’ you say, ‘Don’t you get it? Life is stressful.  Not just a week.  Not just a month.  The. Whole. Thing.’
 
Touche, friends, touche.
I really can’t argue with that logic.
 
For me, this week’s greatest stressor has been responsibility.
 
No, not responsibility as in, ‘I need to shower and eat and pay bills and behave like a functioning adult.’
 
But more, ‘Ahhh! I’m responsibile for the visual health and general well-being of my patients and I’m afraid that I’ll make the wrong decision!’

To which you may also quip:

‘But Hannah.  You’re a doctor.  That’s sort of exactly what doctors do.
And you would not be wrong.
 
Admittedly, that’s not often something they really reinforce in school though…probably because the potentially vision and life threatening diagnoses are relatively rare.
 
Like, you may see a couple in your entire career rare.
 
Yet, somehow, I have at least one, if not two or three of these cases a week.
Which, may not be much for the seasoned practitioner.
But… that’s not me.
 
Because I’m still at the stage in my career when I typically include all my years of optometry school when answering the inevitable, ‘so how long have you been doing this,’ question.
 
And I’ve literally only done this optometry gig completely on my own for… almost 4 months now.
 
I digress.
 
The main point is: responsibility terrifies me.
 
Primarily because I don’t want to let people down.
I don’t want to fail.
I don’t want to make a mistake and end up hurting someone else.
 
And so, my general tendency is to run from responsibility.
 
(Which is probably why I’ve told my dad on multiple occasions this week that I’m done being a doctor and will find another job with minimal external responsibility to spend the rest of my life working on… In case you’re wondering, yes, I’m still going into work today. I’m just also really sort of hoping that I don’t see another possible brain tumor or impending stroke today.)
 
I wish I had inspiring, encouraging words to end with today, but I really don’t.
Because responsibility is hard.
 
As my therapist keeps reminding me though, God cares about my patients even more than I do.  And, as I learn to listen to and trust Him, He will guide me in the proper treatments.
 
Which, actually, reminds me of the passage in Matthew 6:
 
Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. 

Wow. I needed that reminder today.

He takes care of the birds.
He takes care of the flowers of the fields (which, I’m pretty sure would be called weeds…).
And, I guess, that means that I, that we, can trust Him to take care of us too.
‘Til tomorrow,
Hannah

Want to read more?  Here’s a link to my Day 71 post from 100 Days of Hannah.  Click the link to check it out!
 
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