Day 79: Dread

Happy Day 79 of Another 100 Days of Hannah, y’all!
So, first things first, I definitely almost made this a second day 78 post.
Oops!
 
So crazy that we’re less than a month away from Day 100!
In any case, this morning, I was processing the past week, and I finally realized more of what was going on.
 
Believe it or not, I was dreading this travel week.
I was dreading the change in routine.
Not being able to practice music.
Having to change time zones.
The possibility for exhaustion.
 
I know I’ve wrote about dreading work before – back around the beginning of this 100 Day series.
 
But just because I worked through it once doesn’t mean that it can’t come up again.
…unfortunately.
 
So, here I am, to admit that it’s still easy for me to dread work days.
The unpredictability.
The lack of control.
All of it.
And while, yes, maybe changing jobs would make a difference, at the end of the day, it’s still primarily a mindset problem.
When I’m dreading the future, I’m not enjoying the present.
And what’s more, I’m definitely not trusting the Savior.
 
I’m not trusting Him to lead and guide.
I’m not trusting Him to provide.
I’m not trusting Him to be my strength when I’m weak.
 
But, as a wrestle with this realization, I am reminded of a beautiful truth:
 
These times of doubt and dread do not define me.
Rather, they are simply another chance to run back to the Father’s waiting arms.
To find peace in His presence.
To rest in His embrace.
To look into His eyes and be met with kindness and mercy, rather than wrath and judgement.
To rediscover His wonderful, unconditional, undeserved love.
To taste of His goodness.
 
And so, rather than being ashamed of my repeated failure, today I am grateful:
grateful for another day – another moment, another chance – to grow closer to the Father.
To learn to walk with Him every step of the way.
To find His strength.
To discover His heart.
 
As I close this post, I’m reminded of the words of a familiar hymn:
 

‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
Just to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”
 
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus! 
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!

Oh for grace to trust You more.
‘Til tomorrow,
Hannah
Want to read more?  Here’s a link to my Day 79 post from 100 Days of Hannah.  Click the link to check it out! 
 
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