Day 143: Pride

Happy Sunday and Day 143 of Another 100 Days of Hannah …and Counting, y’all!
So, first things first: I’m pretty sure my house has been invaded by these relatively small, light colored spiders. They’re literally everywhere.  Honestly though, I feel a bit bad killing them.  I mean, they’re not big or scary looking.  And I’m sure they help to take care of pests in the house… right?  So I could probably just let them go? Maybe?   Ugh.  Decisions are hard.
In any case, onto blogging (because I have to get back to church for second service).
Anyone else here struggle with pride?
I didn’t realize how much of an issue it was for me recently until talking with my therapist yesterday.  Not that she called me out on it or anything – it was a completely unrelated conversation.  Afterward though, it just sort of hit me.
 
I wish I could say it was limited to one area of life. But, for any of you who have ever struggled with pride, you’ll probably know that it’s pretty hard to contain. And so, I see pride creeping in with my job, my music, my writing… you name it, it’s been there.
Which, as a Christian, is not how it’s supposed to be.  We’re called to a life of gracious humility, not haughty pride.
Yet here I find myself – struggling to walk the line between confidence and pride, searching for humility – not masquerading with false pretense and lies…
 
 
The greatest quote on humility that I have ever heard reads something like this: humility is not found in thinking less of yourself, but in thinking of yourself less.
Which, undoubtedly is true.
…but, on the days that I feel unseen, thinking of myself less is hard to do.

It’s hard to let go of the fears of slipping away.
Of never being enough.
Of never doing enough.
Of not making a difference.
 
It’s hard to trust that the Father’s eyes are the only ones that matter, and that He sees it all – yes, every little thing that I do.
To realize, as the apostle Paul did, that His approval, His righteousness, and His glory are all that truly matter.   
 
Difficult though it may be, this reality could not be more true.
 
And so, we fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.
We look to the cross, where our sin was laid to waste.
We see our weakness, contrasted by His abundant strength.
We know our failures, covered fully by grace.
 
Here our pride becomes pointless, our boasts become small, in the light of the Savior who gave His life for all.
 
Catch y’all tomorrow,
 
Hannah

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