Y’all. It’s been a week.
After spending most of a month being super active (which, let’s be real, is probably what keeps me sane), and actually being around other real live human beings, a week in the silence and solitude of my own little world came as a quite a shock to the system.
As an ISTP and enneagram nine, solitude can be both a blessing and a curse. And so, while I love having time for introspection and deep thoughts, I have the unfortunate tendency of getting a little too deep and then having a hard time digging myself back out.
Mainly because, well, I don’t want to.
Because somehow, even as my thoughts keep churning until the words are swirling whirlpools that threaten to swallow me whole, the drowning feels… painfully euphoric. And, like an addict craving another hit, as the water fills my lungs, I find myself longing only to sink.
Which, might make me crazy.
I’d like to think it just makes me human.
The thoughts themselves vary, but throughout the self-talk that screams in silence, a common voice is found: fear.
If I’m honest, I’ve been run by fear for… most, if not all, of my life. From fear of sickness, to fear of weight gain, to fear of failure, to fear of abandonment, to fear of hurting or disappointing others, to fear of being unloved, to fear of simply not being enough – they’re all there.
And, chances are, I’m not the only one who struggles with this.
During one of of the many hours of silence and solitude this week, however, 2 Timothy 1:7 came to mind:
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (NKJV)
And, for at least a moment, my thoughts shifted.
We have not been given a spirit of fear.
I have not been given a spirit of fear.
You have not been given a spirit of fear.
Quite the contrary: we’ve been given a spirit of power!
As I continued to ponder this verse, the song I Say No came to mind, and I realized:
Y’all. We can say no – no to the thoughts and feelings and voices of fear and negative self-talk. We have been given that power!
Unfortunately, it’s easier said than done.
If you’re like me, the cacophony has sounded for years.
And, as a raging river etches at stone until a canyon is born, a life of fear yields a seemingly inescapable chasm, growing ever deeper as torrents of trouble fall.
However, we are not called to crawl out on our own! As the psalmist writes in Psalm 46:1: