Day 239: To Quit?

Happy Friday and Day 239 of Another 100 Days of Hannah ...and Counting, y'all!

Y’all, I’m thoroughly tempted to quit this blogging thing before long, as my posts are becoming shorter and shorter by the day. But, as I don’t feel like I can go out on a two sentence post, I guess we’ll keep this short and sweet thing going for another day.

Catch y’all tomorrow,

Hannah

Day 237: Passion

Happy Wednesday and Day 237 of Another 100 Days of Hannah ...and Counting, y'all!

Do any of y’all ever take yourselves too seriously?

Hi. I’m guilty.

This evening, as I sat down and really pounded on the piano for the first time in ages, I realized that I think I’ve been taking myself too seriously recently. Most days, it feels like I’m preparing for something – trying to be someone. Not necessarily someone else, but some days it feels like I’m trying a little bit too hard for perfection – especially when it comes to my music. I mean, if I can arrange music shouldn’t everything I play be great? Shouldn’t it always come out awesome, as soon as I sit down to play?

The fact of the matter is though, that my playing is far from perfect. However, what makes it special isn’t perfection, it’s the passion. Music, for my whole life, has been one of my greatest passions. It’s been how I feel most comfortable and most confident expressing myself. Recently though, I’ve felt like I’ve been in a bit of a music block – I just haven’t been… feeling the music. I’ve been making it about a performance, not a passion. No wonder it feels like the music falls flat.

I feel like this is true in all realms of life. When our lives are fueled by perfection rather than passion, what once was beautiful, begins to fade. What once brought joy becomes bore, or worse, a chore.

This idea reminds me of a passage from Revelation 2:

These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands. I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.

4 Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.

I honestly don’t have the words to convey my thoughts on this this evening, so I guess I’ll just leave it here for y’all to contemplate.

Catch y’all tomorrow,

Hannah

Day 235: Conflict

Happy Monday and Day 235 of Another 100 Days of Hannah ...and Counting, y'all!

Well guys, I just closed all three of my move rings today. Not gonna lie, that feels good… especially after drinking half of a milkshake from the fair. (Though, I hadn’t had one in…. probably 6 years or so, so I suppose it wasn’t that bad of a move.)

From there: y’all, I am in active conflict avoidance mode right now. (#enneagramnine) I know that the best way out is to just risk conflict and address my concerns, but… my brain doesn’t want to. And so, I keep waiting for ‘the right time’ to say things.

Granted, I don’t think ‘the right time’ has ever really showed up before. Which, I guess means that I should just suck it up and go for it.

Yikes.

Catch y’all tomorrow,

Hannah

Day 234: Focus

Happy Sunday and Day 234 of Another 100 Days of Hannah …and Counting, y’all!

How many of you routinely feel like there just isn’t enough time in the day for everything that you should, or at least would like to, accomplish?

I know, it’s something I’ve talked about before, but the idea’s been weighing on my mind more this past week, especially yesterday as I was cleaning my house in preparation for game night.

When I lived in Texas, I’ll admit: it felt like I had life pretty well figured out. I swept daily, and vacuumed and ran laundry once or twice a week. Some nights were late, but, I generally felt like I had time to, you know, live, in addition to working full time, spending time with friends, working out daily, and being involved at church.

Now? Well, most days it feels like I’m fighting to keep my head above water. I may vacuum once or twice a month. There’s a laundry list of items thatI would really like to accomplish… if only I had the time – writing music, working out consistently, garden projects, rearranging my house, podcasting, painting… I could go on for days.

This past week, one of my morning podcasts was talking about focus. It’s something that, at least according to the speaker, is lacking in society today. Looking at my own life, I can’t say that I disagree. It’s so easy for me to get caught up in every little thing – getting distracted by seemingly everything that passes my way, rather than pushing on toward a single goal.

Why? Because, frankly, I struggle with knowing what truly matters. So often, as I rush through my day, believing that everything is important. No wonder life feels busy, yet unfulfilling to so many of us so much of the time. This is the peril of a life without focus. Like a poorly imaged photo, our lives become blurred.

God, give me the clarity to focus on what matters to you.

Catch y’al tomorrow,

Hannah

Day 233: Game Night Round 2

Happy Saturday and Day 233 of Another 100 Days of Hannah …and Counting,y’all!

Well, game night round two is officially in the books! Takeaways from this adventure:

  1. Don’t plan on people showing up late. If you do, chances are they’ll arrive early and catch you unprepared.
  2. Don’t try to teach people a game that you’ve never played – it probably won’t work.
  3. Being a good host takes effort.

Since it’s late, we’ll call it quits there.

Catch y’all tomorrow,

Hannah

Day 232: Productive

Happy Friday and Day 232 of Another 100 Days of Hannah ...and Counting, y'all!

Well, after an incredibly unproductive week this week, tonight finally went better. I wrapped up charting in time to respond to my therapist, let the little one practice driving to the football game, grill out, go on a bike ride, practice organ, catch a paraglider, see the half-time show, clean some of my house, and then do an hour of gaming.

Admittedly, I almost forgot about posting in all of my other activities. Oops.

Regardless, it felt good to actually have goals to accomplish. Here’s to hoping I can keep the momentum going to get everything prepped for game night tomorrow night.

Catch y’all next time,

Hannah

Day 231: To or From?

Happy Thursday and Day 231 of Another 100 Days of Hannah …and Counting, y’all!

Bleh… bleh… I don’t know what to write.

Other than that I’m getting really bad at going to bed on time… and consequently getting up on time. Oops. I just keep getting distracted (and having multiple hours of charting that generally don’t conclude until dinner, after which I practice organ for an hour, then come home, get distracted again, then try to finish all the little things that need done before I go to bed).

C’est la vie.

As normal, right now I’m trying to process the appeal in my current distractions. Is it something that I’m running from? Something I’m running to? Or maybe, a combination of both?

That last one’s probably most likely.

Regardless, I should probably sleep.

Catch y’all tomorrow,

Hannah

Day 230: Excess

Happy Wednesday and Day 230 of Another 100 Days of Hannah …and Counting, y’all!

Guys, today I am admittedly 182% tempted not to complete a blog post – to just call it quits right here right now.

But I’m stubborn, so that’s clearly not happening.

In any case, I’m frustrated with myself presently. I feel like I’ve been eating too much, exercising too little, and getting caught up watching a TV show that has absolutely no relevance to the real world.

Back when I started counseling, my therapist told me that change doesn’t come from guilting oneself into an action, regardless of how impactful the guilt may feel in the moment. Admittedly, it’s frequently hard to convince myself of that. I mean, without an appropriate amount of guilt, how do we truly change?

However, as I try to guilt myself into yet another activity – exercise, watching less TV, eating less, being more productive, etc – I can’t help but realize the truth in her statement. When I feel guilty about something, I rarely actually change my behavior. I just continue on, but while feeling guilty.

Any true change? Yeah, that comes from the heart.

Guess I’ll have to ponder that a little bit more when I have more energy.

Catch y’all tomorrow,

Hannah